Things Firefly Can Teach You
by Savy13
Summary: I was bored and found myself making a list of the things you could learn by watching Firefly. Rated T for Chinese swearing. Now with part three!
1. Chapter 1

Things Firefly Can Teach You

Mathematics:

"Ten percent of nothin' is... let me do the math here... nothin' into nothin'... carry the nothin..." -Jayne

Creativity:

"We shall rule over all this land and we shall call it... 'This Land'..." -Wash

Manners:

"Shoot them?"

"Politely." -Zoe and Mal

Etiquette:

"Every well-bred petty crook knows... the small, concealable weapons always go to the far left of the place setting." -Inara

Religion:

"If you take sexual advantage of her, you're going to burn in a very special level of Hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theatre." -Book

Affection:

"Ah, the pitter-patter of little feet in huge combat boots. SHUT UP!" -Mal

Self-Evaluation:

"Well look at this! Appears we got here just in the nick of time! Whaddya suppose that makes us?"

"Big damn heroes, sir." -Mal and Zoe

Prose:

"Not as deceiving as a low down, dirty... deceiver."

"Well said. Wasn't that well said, Zoe?"

"Had a certain poetry to it, sir." - Jayne, Mal, and Zoe.

Self-Confidence:

"A man walks down the street in that hat, they know he is not afraid of anything."

"Damn straight." -Wash and Jayne

Chinese:

"Ching-wao tsao duh liou mahng!" *-Mal

Loopholes:

"Preacher, don't the Bible have some pretty specific things to say about killing?"

"Quite specific. It is, however, somewhat fuzzier on the subject of kneecaps." - Zoe and Book

Self Defense:

"Also? I can kill you with my brain."- River

Perspective:

"Psychic, though? That sounds like something out of science fiction."

"We live on a space ship, dear." -Wash and Zoe

*Frog-humping son of a bitc


	2. Chapter 2

PART TWO

Politics:

"Do you know what the chain of command is? It is the chain I go and beat you with until you understand who is in rutting command here!" -Jayne

Enunciation:

"Are you Alliance?"

"Am I a lion? I don't think of myself as a lion. You might as well though. I have a mighty roar."

"I said _Alliance_." - Simon and Jubal Early

Confidence:

"Well, my days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle." -Mal

Endearments:

"Yes sir, Captain Tight-Pants." - Kaylee

Entertainment:

"Some people juggle geese!" - Wash

Anatomy:

"Spry for a dead fella." - Jayne

Planning:

"I aim to misbehave." -Mal

Karma

"Somebody ever tries to kill you, you try to kill 'um right back."- Mal

Sarcasm:

"At last. We can retire and give up this life of crime." - Zoe

Optimism:

"We are just too pretty for God to let us die." -Ma


	3. Chapter 3

**And yet still more things that Firefly can teach you...**

**All of this belongs to the brilliant Joss Whedon and not me... unfortunately...**

CONVERSATION

"Your mouth is talking. You might want to look into that." -Mal

DEBATE

"No. No problem, There's no problem, 'cause there is not..." -Kaylee

PRIVACY

"How is business?"

"None of yours." - Mal and Inara

OPTIMISM

"No power in the 'verse can stop me." -River

CAREER OPTIONS

"Shiny. Let's be bad guys." - Jayne

STRATEGY

"I just wanted you to face me so that she could get behind you." - Mal

INTIMIDATION

"Everyman there go back inside, or we will blow a new crater in this little moon."

"Damn yokels can't even tell a transport ships got no guns on in. Blow a new crater in this moon. Ha."-Wash and Jayne

BRAWLING

"You know, they tell you never to hit a man with a closed fist, but it is, on occasion, hilarious."- Mal

HYGINE

"We might even get wild later and wash your face." -Inara.

INTERPRETATION

"What did I tell you about bursting into my shuttle?"

"That it was manly and impulsive?"

"Yes, precisely. Only the exact phrase I used was: DON'T." -Inara and Mal

ZOOLOGY

"What the hell is going on in the engine room? Where there monkeys? Some terrifying space monkeys got loose?"- Mal

LITERATURE

"As I remember it, the albatross was good luck until some idiot killed it. Yes, I've read a poem, try not to die of shock." -Mal

EDITING

"Bible's broken. Contradictions, false logistics. Doesn't make sense."-River

ANOMALIES

"Sir. I think you have a problem with your brain being missing." - Zoe

NEGOTIATIONS

"Heck, this kinda job I would pull for free."

"Then can I have your share?"

"No."

"If you die can I have your share?"

"Yes." - Mal and Zoe

CONTRADICTIONS

"We're not thieves. But we are thieves. Point is, we're not taken what's his." -Mal

INDIFFERENCE

"Likely crash and kill us all."

"Well, when that happens, let me know." -Wash and Mal

CHARACTER

"Sleepiness is weakness of character! Ask anyone!" - Wash

FLIRTATION

"Here lies my beloved Zoe, my autumn flower... somewhat less attractive now that she is all corpse-ified and gross..." -Wash

INSULTS

"What a vision you are in your fine dress. It must have taken a dozen slaves a dozen days to get you into that getup. Of course, your daddy tells me it takes the space of a school boy's wink to get you out of it again."- Awesome Man Whose Name is Never Said

MERCY

"Mercy is the mark of a great man. I guess I'm just a good man. Well, I'm alright." -Mal

EXCUSES

"Sorry dad. The Independence attacked us with dinosaurs."- young Simon

MASCULINITY

"If your hand touches metal I swear by my pretty floral bonnet I will end you." -Mal

LOVE

"I'm madly in love with a beautiful woman who could kill me with her pinky."- Wash

LEVERAGE

"Remember that sex we were planning to have, ever again?"- Zoe

BLESSINGS

"I wish you hundreds of fat children."- Inara

PATRONIZATION

"Jayne. Go play with your rain stick."-Mal


End file.
